That Nightmare Wasn’t Just a Dream… It Was a Reminder Why I’ll Never Go Back

Last week, I had that kind of dream again.

You know the one…where you suddenly find yourself back in your old job, begging to be rehired. It felt so real that when I woke up, I actually had to ask myself:
“Wait… was that real? Am I back there again?”

It took me a few seconds to ground myself, to look around and realize:
No.
I’m still here.
I’m still a freelancer.
Thank God.

Because that dream wasn’t just a dream. It was a full-blown nightmare.

And here’s the kicker: the company I dreamed about? It’s just a few steps away from where I live. Literal walking distance. But in that dream, it felt miles away from who I am now… and the life I’ve fought so hard to rebuild.

The Real Horror Wasn’t in My Sleep… It Was My Reality Before Freelancing

Before I became a freelancer, I spent years working in an onsite job that almost broke me. Almost.

I endured workplace bullying. I experienced sexual harassment. And worse, I had to show up every single day, face-to-face with the very people who made my life difficult, and somehow pretend I was okay.

There was this one moment I’ll never forget: I was just walking to work, as usual, when the office driver—who was also known for bullying employees—decided to “joke” around and pretended he was going to hit me with the vehicle. Akala siguro niya nakakatawa ‘yon (He thought he was being funny).

It wasn’t funny. It was terrifying. And humiliating. And in that moment, I remember thinking: Ganito ba talaga ako ka-unwelcome dito? (Am I really that unwelcome here?)

And imagine, I stayed in that job for half a decade.

The Paycheck Wasn’t Worth the Price

Sure, my old job came with government benefits… SSS, PhilHealth, paid leaves. On paper, it looked “stable.” But here’s what most people didn’t see: I was overworked, underpaid, and emotionally drained.

Every quarter, I found myself borrowing money just to survive. Budgeting was a joke, because how can you plan for anything when your salary is barely enough to get by?

Worse, I was stuck in a rank-and-file position that didn’t allow me to grow. No training, no real upskilling, and no career progression. Office politics thrived, and if you weren’t part of the “in” crowd? Good luck.

Despite being overqualified, I was constantly overlooked.

Freelancing Isn’t Perfect… But It’s Mine

When I finally made the leap to freelancing, it wasn’t because I had a six-month emergency fund or a solid plan. It was more like: Wala na akong choice. I needed to save myself.

And honestly? It was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Now, I get to choose my hours. I can take online courses on my own time. I’ve learned skills from YouTube, blog posts, even free PDFs from other freelancers. I earn every win through my own effort. And when I mess up, I learn quicker… because it’s all on me now.

Of course, there are days when I worry about stability. Freelancing isn’t always rainbows and PayPal notifications. It’s competitive. It’s uncertain. Getting a client isn’t as easy as making a Canva resume and calling it a day.

But unlike before, I feel free. I’m no longer stuck. I’m growing, even on the hard days.

Not Everyone is Meant for Freelancing… And That’s Okay

Let me be clear: I’m not here to tell everyone to quit their jobs and become freelancers. Hindi ito para sa lahat. (Freelancing is not for everybody.)

Some people are better off in a structured office environment. Others find their passion in fields outside the digital world. And that’s valid. What matters is knowing what works for you… and having the courage to walk away from what doesn’t.

But if you’ve ever felt like you’re too “small” to dream bigger, or if you’re stuck in a job that’s slowly crushing your soul? I hope my story gives you a little clarity.

Why I’m Writing This Now

Lately, I’ve been quiet. I haven’t posted much or sent newsletters. I’ve been rethinking how I want to tell my stories, because it matters to me that people don’t just see me as another content creator chasing engagement.

I want to speak to the people who are still walking to a job they hate, who still feel like they have no choice, who still ask themselves: Is this all there is?

To you, I say this: Your story matters. Whether you’re a freelancer, a full-time office worker, or someone in between… your struggles are real, and they are valid.

And maybe, just maybe, this little corner of the internet can help you feel a little less alone in them.

PS: That dream? It reminded me how far I’ve come. And that no matter how hard freelancing gets, I’m never going back to a life that almost cost me myself.

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